The Erectus Dome

WELL IS IT GONNA WORK THEN JUST PUT DOWN THEN OK!!!!!

2008-12-16T03:03:54Z

THERE IS A REASON WHY I AM JUST CALLED THE REC-DADDY BY EVERYONE WHAT I KNOW!!!!! BECAUSE IF YOU JUST COME TO ME AND YOU THINK YOU ARE A HOT STUFF WHO JUST DOES HOT STUFFS THEN I WILL JUST MAKE YOUR FACE INTO WHAT A HOT POCKET IS!!!!!!!! THAT IS FOR ALL THE FAT KIDS IN WORLD OF WARCRAFT WHO JUST SAID "OH ERECTUS YOU RUINED OUR GUILD BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS YELL ON VOICE CHAT!!!!" WELL I CAN'T HELP IT SO IF YOU GUYS ARE JUST NERDS ON THE INTERNET THATS OK BECAUSE I AM THE COOLEST ONE I KNOW AND I AM COOL IN REAL LIFE NOT JUST WHEN I AM IN MY LEVEL 60 MOUNT WHAT I CAN'T GET CUZ WONT NOBODY TEAM WITH ME NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!

FOR ALL THINGS THERE IS A TIME, A TIME TO RHYME, A TIME TO KICK A FUNKY LINE!!!!!

2008-04-24T01:12:07Z

A LONG TIME AGO WHEN IT WAS ALL THE RAGE TO MAKE COMICS IN LIVEJOURNAL I DECIDED TO MAKE A COMIC WHAT WILL BE THE ONLY ONE THAT REALLY HAS GOOD JOKES!!!! THE PROBLEM WITH COMICS IS THAT YOU CAN NOT RELATE TO NONE OF THEM!!! OH LOOK I AM FROM 1921 AND I AM A FLAPPER WOMAN RAISING A FAMILY THIS IS FUNNY AHHAHA!!! OR LOOK I AM A FRANK AND A EARL AND NOW I'M IN SPACE AHAHAHA!!!! I'M NOT A ROCKET MAN PAL SO HOW CAN I RELATE TO THIS SORT OF THING?!!!

EVERYONE WILL JUST MAKE A JOKE ON ME FOR THEIR OWN AMUSEMENT!!!

THEY WILL LEARN I AM NOT A JOKE FOR THEIR OWN JOKES!!!

I AM SORRY!!!

IT'S TOO LATE!!!! ! !
I HATE A MONDAYS!!!!

THEY CALL ME TED AND THE REASON IS BECAUSE I HAVE A SCREW ON MY HEAD!!!!!! IM SERIOUS!!!!!!!!!

2008-04-05T05:26:56Z

EVERY DAY THE STUPID PEOPLE WHAT LIVE IN MY TOWN TRY TO DO A "RICK ROLL" ON ME WHENEVER I GO TO THE DALE CITY COMMUNITY FORUMS!!!! THIS IS A DUMB THING WHICH MUST BE STOPPED AND FOR THIS REASON I AM MAKING A ERECTUS DOME COMMUNITY ACTION GROUP!!!! THE FIRST ONE WE ARE CLEANING UP IS DALE CITY MAYOR J. EPHRAIM CONNORS BECAUSE IF YOU GUYS REMEMBER I CLICKED ON A LINK WHICH HE POSTED WHAT SAID "OH LOOK EVERYBODY HERE IS ME IN A BRA AND ALSO LOTS OF EYE LINER SO PLEASE DON'T LOOK ERECTUS BECAUSE THIS WILL EMBARRASS ME!" THEN WHEN I CLICKED IT IT WAS JUST THAT STUPID SONG WHAT ISN'T EVEN FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS THE REASON WHY WE ARE NEVER GONNA GIVE UP ON KICKING BUTT AND TAKING NAMES IN THE NAME OF JUSTICE!!!!!!!!

GET THE PAPER PLEASE I HAVE TO DO A SCHOOL REPORT FOR IT!!!!!!!!!

2008-01-12T20:21:38Z

THIS IS A FRIENDLY NOTE FOR THE PEOPLE WHAT ARE AFFILIATES ON MY FRIENDS PAGE!!! I RUN A GOOD WEBSITE HERE AND I DON'T WANT IT TO JUST HAVE FILTH AND THIS TYPE OF THING!!!!! IF YOU ARE JUST GOING TO BE NAKED IN YOUR PART OF THE WEBSITE OR YOU WILL JUST WEAR A PROVOCATIVE OUTFIT AND THINGS OF THIS NATURE THEN I WILL PULL THE PLUG ON YOU!!!! THIS IS A PLACE WHERE SURVIVORS CAN COME TOGETHER AND DISCUSS THE HARROWING EXPERIENCES WHAT HAPPEN EVERY DAY FOR PEOPLE LIKE US BECAUSE WE ARE ON AN ADVENTURE, BABY!!!!! SO DO NOT JUST SAY "OH LOOK MY SHIRT FELL OFF AND I HAVE A BREAST" ON YOUR WEBSITE BECAUSE THEN IF I GET IN TROUBLE WITH MY MOM I'M NOT ALLOWED TO DO THIS ANYMORE!!!

ALSO I HAVE MORE NEWS BECAUSE I AM LIKE A RESEARCHER I SCOUR WIKIPEDIA FOR ALL THE GOOD INFORMATION AND NOT JUST DUMB CRAP LIKE "JESSE CAMP IS A MTV NEWS MAN BLAH BLAH BLAH" THIS IS DUMB INFORMATION I DON'T USE THIS CRAP!!!! I FOUND THIS WEBSITE EVERYONE LOOK THIS GUY'S NAME IS SHERMAN BONER XD!!!!!!!!

YEAH WHATEVER YOU DIDN'T EVEN WIN THAT MY UNCLE DID!!!!!!!!!!

2007-12-02T20:35:09Z

ROCK OF AGES: ROCK TRIVIA!!!!

THANK YOU TO jeffreyatw FOR IMPLANTING THIS IDEA IN MY HEAD, A LONG WITH MANY OTHER ONES BECAUSE HE ALWAYS MAKES A THING ON HIS LJ "OH LOOK I HAVE THIS AMAZING IDEA LET ME EXPOUND ON IT BECAUSE MY NAME IS INTERNET EINSTEIN XD" WHATEVER YOU CAN'T INFLUENCE ME BUT YOU DID THIS TIME ONLY BECAUSE I LET YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ANYWAY HERE IS A GAME WHAT I THOUGHT OF!!!! HERE ARE MANY ROCK AND ROLL ROCKING TUNES FROM 1967 TO 1999, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE SONG IS?!!!! HMMM?!!! NO BECAUSE YOU ARE A BUTTMONSTROSAURUS, BUT I WILL GIVE YOU THE CHANCE TO PROVE YOURSELF IN THIS ENTRY!!!! ALL RESPONSES WILL BE SCREENED, AND I SHALT KEEP SCORE FOR YOU!!!!!

STEP UP TO THE PLATE, FATSO!!!!!

jeffreyatw - 7.5
basictheology - 17.5

ANSWER KEY:

1967: The Jimi Hendrix Experience - Foxy Lady
1968: Cream - White Room
1969: The Beatles - Polythene Pam
1970: David Bowie - The Man Who Sold The World
1971: Led Zeppelin - When The Levee Breaks
1972: Mott The Hoople - All The Young Dudes
1973: Pink Floyd - Any Colour You Like
1974: Sweet - Ballroom Blitz
1975: Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody
1976: The Ramones - Today Your Love, Tomorrow The World
1977: Heart - Magic Man
1978: Cheap Trick - Surrender
1979: AC/DC - Highway To Hell
1980: Motorhead - Ace of Spades
1981: Joan Jett & The Blackhearts - I Love Rock and Roll
1982: Iron Maiden - Run To The Hills
1983: Dio - Holy Diver
1984: Van Halen - Hot For Teacher
1985: Dead Kennedys - MTV Get Off The Air
1986: Slayer - Raining Blood
1987: Guns N Roses - Welcome To The Jungle
1988: Danzig - Am I Demon
1989: Nine Inch Nails - Head Like A Hole
1990: Pixies - Rock Music
1991: Metallica - Enter Sandman
1992: Nirvana - Come As You Are
1993: Tool - Sober
1994: Soundgarden - Spoonman
1995: White Zombie - More Human Than Human
1996: Stone Temple Pilots - Big Bang Baby
1997: Blur - Song 2
1998: Garbage - Push It
1999: Godsmack - Voodoo

YOU AIN'T GOT NOWHERE TO CALL YOUR OWN!!!!!!!!

2007-08-13T00:48:51Z

I WAS READING MY OLD ENTRIES FROM BEFORE!!! BOY WAS I IMMATURE BACK THEN!!!!!!! THIS IS WHY FROM NOW ON I WILL ONLY EXPRESS HOW IT IS THAT I FEEL IN A MATURE FASHION!!!!

TODAY'S ENTRY!!! DIFFERENCE!!!

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ME AND THE OTHER BOYS?!!! HMM THIS IS A FUNDAMENTAL THING WHAT I WILL THINK ABOUT EXTENSIVELY!!!! IS IT SOCIO-ECONOMICS?!!! HMM THIS IS A INTELLECTUAL THING WHAT SHOULD BE GIVEN THOUGHT!!!

PERHAPS IT IS IN THE WAY WE VIEW THE WORLD!!!! I VIEW THE WORLD IN A BETTER WAY DOES THIS MAKE ME A DIFFERENT TYPE OF PERSON?!!! HMM?!!!

HMM I HAVE DONE A LOT OF THINKING IN TODAY'S THOUGHT OF THE DAY!!!! PERHAPS WE WILL RETURN TO THIS THOUGHT ANOTHER DAY AND THEN WE WILL DO A EXAMINATION!!!!

THANK YOU FOR READING MY JOURNAL AND HAVE A ENLIGHTENED DAY!!!!

HEAR YOUR VOICE EVERY TIME THAT I'M WALKIN'!!!!

2007-07-05T14:38:31Z

IN A BRAND NEW SEGMENT WHAT I CALL ERECTUSS DOME POLITICAL ADVISOR I AM HERE NOW TO SUBMIT A NEWS ARTICLE FOR EVERYONE THAT I AM MAKING!!!

REFORMING IMMIGRATION, AND WINNING THE WAR!!!!

TODAY I WOULD LIKE TO PROPOSE A NEW IDEA WHICH WILL SOLVE THE TWO BIGGEST PROBLEMS IN U.S. HISTORY!!!! MY NEW PLAN BASICALLY WILL CALL FOR REPLACING MEXICAN IMMIGRANTS WITH IRAQI IMMIGRANTS!!!! THIS WAY IF WE JUST CLEAR OUT A STATE WE'RE NOT REALLY USING LIKE NEBRASKA OR SOMETHING WE CAN MOVE THE IRAQIS THERE AND IT'S A LOT EASIER TO BEAT THEM IF THEY'RE IN THE MID-WEST THAN IF THEY'RE IN THE MIDDLE EAST!!!! WE CAN JUST MOVE THE HUSKERS TO IOWA!!!!!!
THIS IS A GENIUS IDEA WHAT I BELIEVE WILL BE SHOT DOWN IN CONGRESS BECAUSE OF THE STUPID PARTISAN POLITICS ENACTED BY THE JERKS IN CITY HALL!!! I THINK THIS IS STUPID BECAUSE WE ALREADY DID THIS BEFORE LIKE WHEN WE BEAT THE ITALIANS IN WWII BY HAVING THE FBI BEAT UP THE ITALIANS IN NEW YORK!!!! IT WAS A WIN WIN FOR EVERYONE BECAUSE THEN THEY MADE THE GODFATHER!!!! OR WHEN WE PUT THE JAPANESE IN A PETTING ZOO OR SOMETHING!!!! PIKAAAACHUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!

OK SO YOU'RE TELLING ME THATS THE BOOK YOU WROTE, YEAH RIGHT!!!!

2007-07-04T12:23:17Z

USA FUN FACTS!!!!

TODAY THE MAIN PAGE ARTICLE ON WIKIPEDIA IS ABOUT SAMUEL ADAMS BECAUSE GOD LOVES THE USA SO MUCH HE MADE THE WIKIPEDIA ARTICLE ABOUT A TRUE AMERICAN PATRIOT WHAT SAID "GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH!!!" THIS REMINDS OF THE FUNNY JOKE I MADE THAT TIME WHEN I SAID "GIVE ME THE LIBERTINES AND THEN I WILL GIVE MYSELF DEATH!!!" BECAUSE PETE DOHERTY IS A DRUGGIE LOSER!!!!!!

FOR GOD SO LOVED THE UNITED STATES THAT HE ACTUALLY SERVED AS A MEMBER OF THE 87TH HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, REPRESENTING VIRGINIA'S 11TH DISTRICT!!! HE FAILED IN A BID FOR A SECOND TERM WHEN HE INFAMOUSLY CAME OUT AGAINST THE SECOND AMENDMENT!!! THEM'S THE BREAKS, JESUS!!!!

STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER IS THE GREATEST TUNE IN HISTORY AND IT IS SO GREAT THAT THE BEATLES TRIED TO RIP IT OFF WHICH IS WHY THEY AREN'T IN THE ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME BECAUSE NO ONE WILL PUT UP WITH THAT CRAP, BUCKO!!!! IF YOU PLAY STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER AFTER EATING SPINACH YOU CAN BEAT UP ANYONE AND THIS IS A TRUE FACT SO DON'T SAY IT ISN'T BECAUSE I SAW IT ON TV IN A SHOW FROM BACK IN THE 30S WHEN THEY DIDN'T EVEN HAVE SPECIAL EFFECTS BACK THEN SO HOW COULD THEY MAKE IT UP, HMMMMMM???!!!!

MANY PEOPLE HATE THE USA LIKE KURT COBANKS AND A LOT OF DUMB PEOPLE!!!! AMERICA IS THE COOLEST COUNTRY ON EARTH I KNOW BECAUSE THATS WHY 50 CENT HAD A AMERICAN FLAG ON HIS SHIRT, IF THIS IS NOT THE COOLEST COUNTRY THEN HOW COME 50 CENT HAD IT ON HIS SHIRT WHEN HE MAKES PROBABLY 60% OF HIS INCOME FROM BEING COOL?!!! THAT IS WHY THIS 4TH OF JULY I AM ONLY WAVING MY FLAG WITH SHADES ON!!!!

TODAY I GET TO WORK THE GRILL FOR A FEW MINUTES THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I AM EVER ALLOWED TO SO I WOULD LIKE TO SAY IF ANYONE TRIES TO DO SOMETHING WHICH WILL MAKE ME LOOK BAD BEHIND THE GRILL I WILL MESS THEM UP BIG TIME!!!!!! KISS THE CHEF'S KEISTER, BABY!!!!

THE FINAL FINALS I SWEAR!!!!!

2007-07-02T21:51:18Z

RETURN OF KEVORKIAN!!!
TIE-BREAKER CHALLENGE!!!

GENTLEMAN: PROVIDE YOUR THOUGHTS!!!

MOHAMMED ASHA:
TERRORIST, OR FED-UP NERD!!!

SUPERCATACLYSMIC CYTOPLASM!!!!

2007-06-08T20:26:52Z

RETURN OF KEVORKIAN
FINALS
VOTER BEWARE!!!

FINALLY WE COME TO THE FINALS OF THIS CONTEST WHAT HAS HEATED UP RECENTLY BECAUSE brenly AND crapjournal HAVE NOT TAKEN TOO KINDLY TO EACHOTHER!!!! OHH NOW THERE THERE WIDDLE GUYS!!! WILL YOU CHEER UP WHEN YOU'RE ENTERED INTO THE RETURN OF KEVORKIAN DEATH BY A MILLION PANAZOKOS 3000 FINALS!!!! YES!!!! THIS IS WHERE THE BIGGEST AND THE BRIGHTEST MINDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD COMPETE IN A TOURNAMENT WHERE THE STAKES ARE LIFE OR DEATH!!!!

crapjournal

KEVORKIAN SPIT IN THE PALM OF HIS HAND AND RUBBED IT AROUND!!! "THAT'S GROSS!!!", I SAID, AS HE PULLED HIS HANDS APART AND REVEALED THE STILL-GLISTENING SPIT THREADS!!! "I'M JUST GETTING WARMED UP", SAID THE GOOD DOCTOR AS HE FUMBLED WITH HIS PANTS TRYING TO RUB ALL OF THE SPIT OFF!!! "THIS WAS A LOT HOTTER IN MY HEAD!!!" HE YELLED, HIS FRUSTRATED SCREAM RINGING THROUGH MY EARS!!

I JUMPED BEHIND A PACKING CRATE!!!

"DR. KEVORKIAN!!! IF I DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER I THOUGHT YOU WERE TRYING TO SEDUCE ME!!"

A SLY GRIN CROSSED HIS LIPS WHICH HE LICKED AT AROUND THE SAME TIME AS HE GRINNED!!!

"I AM!!" HE SAID

"WELL IT'S NOT WORKING!!!!" I SCREAMED BACK, "I AM HETERO!!" HE SHOULD'VE TRIED THAT ON THOMPSON, I CHUCKLED TO MYSELF, BUT IT'S TOO LATE NOW!!!

I THOUGHT OF MOLLY IN THE PARLOUR. I THOUGHT OF THE WAY HER HAIR TICKLED HER NAKED BREASTS!!! I THOUGHT OF THE WAY I HAD HER ON THE POOL TABLE!!! AND THE GREEN CHAIR!!!!

"YOU SICK FREAK," I SHOUTED, "THIS ENDS NOW!!"

BUT I HAD GOTTEN CARELESS!!! DURING MY FANTASY KEVORKIAN HAD ARMED THE THANATRON II!!! IT WAS POINTED RIGHT AT ME!!! I COULD HEAR IT WARMING UP, THE GREEN SUBSTANCE BUBBLING AND THE CHROME GLEAMING EVEN MORE!!!

"IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU, NO ONE WILL!!!" HE SCREAMED, FROTH FLYING FROM HIS PERVERTED HOMOSEXUAL SCOWL!!

I SHRUGGED COOLY AND LIT A CIGARETTE!!! "HEY COCKER!!!" I SAID, "YOU FORGOT ONE THING!!!"

"WHAT??!!!!" HE REPLIED

"I'VE GOT THE REMOTE!!!!" I SAID, PUSHING THE BUTTON AND ACTIVATING THE THANATRON II WHICH WAS NOW POINTING AT DR. KEVORKIAN'S CHEST!! "SAYONARA!!!"

HIS SMILE FADED AS THE BEAM HIT HIM BECAUSE EVERYTHING DID!!! EVERY IDENTIFIABLE PART OF HIS BODY WAS BURNED TO A CRISP!! EVEN HIS DING-DING!!!

THE CORONER CAME OVER TO LOOK AT THE BODY!!!

"YOU KILLED HIM REAL GOOD DETECTIVE!!!" SHE SAID

"THANKS," I SAID, "MOLLY HAVE YOUR BREASTS GROWN BIGGER??"

"WHY YES THEY HAVE!!!"

HOH-CHA-CHA!!

brenly

Dr. Kevorkian was quite angry with me, but I couldn’t figure out why. I asked him, with tears in my eyes, why he would kill off my best friend.

“Because I’m a bad writer and need to kill of characters within the first page to keep the material exciting!”

I then asked, “But why Kevorkian? Why?”

“Because I hate my parents!” he replied.

Kevorkian and I had a nice long conversation about this. We interfaced about his daddy issues, and why he had been involved in hardcore pornography for so many years. Not to mention his prostitution to support a heavy drug addiction. Kevorkian is really a nice guy after all! He just has issues to work through just like everyone else. Some people just cope with it in different ways. Some people cope by alcohol, with Kevorkian it is mass murder and the like.

So then I went out to Chili’s with Bethany, it was great. We invited two friends along who made hilarious fake advances on each other to hide the homosexual tension between the two guys. One of them showed up drunk because he was an alcoholic.

I think we will need an intervention…

…eventually, but I may not be involved because I am not a close friend or family member.

Despite having my arm around my girlfriend constantly this girl at the next table kept checking me out and eventually said “Hello” to me, despite the other two guys being single and they had been looking at her the entire night. I made sure Bethany wasn’t too jealous, because I do act like an ass sometimes and make her feel insecure about our relationship. I made sure to clear it with her, it wasn’t a big deal. We decided to head to Jupiter house with one of the guys and leave the alcoholic to fend for himself the rest of the evening.

Chase is a really nice guy, he has kind eyes, a good smile, smart, cute, funny. He’s the whole package. I wish I knew more girls in town so I could introduce them to him. Chase told us about his action packed weekend with tons of bible study and soul searching. He is well on his way to becoming a youth minister. Chase is actually getting a degree in it, to show how serious he is about it.

ANYHOW, after me and Bethany were done with each other for the night, I went back to visit my new friend Kevorkian. Kevorkian was going through a hard time, he was clearly having a psychotic episode. I learned that putting a paper bag over your mouth would help with hyperventilation, and since he was kinda doing the same thing mentally, I punched him down to the ground and put a pillow in his face. I did not have to worry about the Thanatron-whatever because I got him to pawn it off to buy his first dose of psychiatric medications.

ANYHOW, the pillow was over his face for a while, because he started kicking and screaming when he came to. This clearly meant he was not ready to get up just yet. Eventually he stopped and fell asleep, at least, I think he was asleep. I kept the pillow over his face for another hour or so just to be sure.

I then called the cops to take him to the hospital, and instead they took me! Those jerks! Now the judge is saying something about cold blooded murder and they don’t understand what a nice guy I can be! I’m in prison now, and there’s a guy Tyreese that wants my jell-o on a constant basis. I keep fighting him off, because that’s just how it works in the joint.

THESE ARE THE FINALS!!!! REMEMBER YOU TAKE THE LIVES OF TWO MEN AND HOLD THEM IN YOUR HANDS!!!! THIS IS IT!!!

NOW LEFT TO THE RIGHT, RIGHT TO THE LEFT, OK THATS GOOD ENOUGH!!!!!!

2007-06-03T23:11:43Z

RETURN OF KEVORKIAN
SEMI-FINALS MATCH
COME VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE!!!!

BASICALLY I WAS GOING TO SAY OKAY TODAY WE HAVE A WINNER, BUT THEN I SAW THAT THERE WAS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR A TOURNAMENT!!!! THROUGH SOME MANIPULATION OF THE RULES BASICALLY I HAVE DISQUALIFIED cockblockoclock'S ENTRY!!!

THIS MEANS THAT brenly HAS RECIEVED A BYE AND WILL AUTOMATICALLY GO ON TO THE FINALS!!!!!

THIS LEAVES crapjournal to face off against basictheology!!!!

BASICALLY THE BACKGROUND ON THESE GUYS IS THAT THEY BOTH HAD REGULAR CRAPPY JOURNALS THEN ONE DAY THEY SAID "LETS MAKE PHILOSOPHICAL CRAPPY JOURNALS!!!! THIS IS A DUMB THING BECAUSE I READ THEIR OLD JOURNALS BEFORE THEY MADE FUN OF ME AND BASICALLY IT WAS LIKE "OH WELL TODAY I CAN'T MAKE IT THROUGH A ENGLISH CLASS BECAUSE I HAVE A UNRESOLVED TEENAGE ANGST WHAT IS WHY I ONLY LISTEN TO LIKE NIRVANA MUSIC AND CRAP!!!!" THEN IN THEIR NEW JOURNAL THEY WILL WRITE "OH WELL TODAY THE BIRDS ARE FLYING WHY DO THEY FLY LIFE IS LIKE A FLYING BIRD BLAH BLAH BLAH AND THIS DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH WHY I CAN NOT MAKE IT THROUGH ENGLISH CLASS TODAY!!!" BUT WE ALL KNOW THATS A LIE BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS ABOUT THE STUPID ENGLISH CLASS!!!! DID YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT MAYBE PEOPLE WITH REAL PROBLEMS?!!!! YOUR MOM IS NICE TO YOU AND PLUS YOU GOT TO GO TO BIRTHDAY PARTIES AND STUFF!!!! BUT THIS IS A PHILOSOPHICAL POINT WHICH THEY DON'T CONSIDER!!!!!

DESPITE THIS THEY BOTH APPLIED THEMSELVES AND CREATED TRUE LITERARY GEMS BECAUSE THEY STOPPED TRYING TO WRITE A BUNCH OF BLAH BLAH AND WRITE ABOUT THE STUFF PEOPLE WANT TO READ LIKE DETECTIVE STORIES WHICH IS WHAT I WRITE WHICH IS WHY EVERYONE SAYS "OH YEAH WE READ THE ERECTUS DOME IT HAS THE NEWS AND THE VIEWS WE CAN USE!!!" LETS SEE THEIR WORK WHAT IS ALSO WORTHY OF A CABLE ACE AWARD!!!!

basictheology

I PEERED OVER THE RAILING AT THOMPSONS NOW BROWNED BODY. HIS SKIN REMINDED ME OF WHAT PERHAPS A STILLBORN MIGHT LOOK LIKE, IF HE WAS COVERED IN SOME FORM OF HONEY BATTER. I THOUGHT ABOUT ALL OF THE TIMES I WAS DIFFICULT ON THOMPSON, AND ALL THE MEAN JOKES I WOULD FREQUENTLY CRACK ABOUT HIS MOTHER. HE WAS THERE NOW, DEAD, NOT WAKING UP ANYTIME SOON, REALLY NAILED IN THE COFFIN AND I JUST WISH I COULD'VE TOLD HIM THE TRUTH. I RAN DOWN THE STAIRS TO THE GROUND TO LOOK AT THOMPSONS BODY A LITTLE BIT CLOSER. IT REALLY LOOKED LIKE HE WAS FOR SURE DEAD, AND HIS GROSS SKIN MADE ME NOT WANT TO CHECK HIS PULSE OR ANYTHING STUPID LIKE THAT. SO, INSTEAD, I TURNED TO KEVORKIAN, WHO NOW STOOD ATOP THE STAIRWAY, SOMEWHAT HUNCHED OVER WITH A LOOK OF SIMPLICITY ON HIS FACE.

"I NEVER REALLY HAD SEX WITH THOMPSONS MOTHER!!!!" I SHOUTED AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS. KEVORKIANS EYES NEVER LEFT ME, NOW. HE KNEW WHERE I WAS, AND HE WAS GOING TO USE THE THANATRON II TO MAKE SURE I NEVER GOT TO ADMIT THE OTHER TRUTHS OF THE WORLD. QUICKLY I DASHED UP THE STAIRCASE, SHOUTING THE WHOLE TIME ABOUT THE PASSIONS OF MY LIFE WHICH I HAD NEVER GOTTEN TO SHARE. AS I WAS ABOUT A QUARTER WAY UP THE STAIRS, KEVORKIAN BEGAN TO DASH DOWNWARD AT ME. I FINALLY REALIZED WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN HERE. IT WOULD BE AN ALL OUT BATTLE, UNTIL THE ULTIMATE MAN SURVIVED.

THINKING AHEAD, I REALIZED THAT IF I KEPT RUNNING, NOT ONLY WOULD I BE AT A DISADVANTAGE LOCATION WISE, BUT, I COULD ALSO TURN AROUND, RUN BACK DOWN THE QUARTER STAIRWAY, AND I WOULD NOT NEARLY HAVE TO HAVE DONE AS MUCH WORK AS KEVORKIAN. SO, QUICKLY I DID A 180 AND BOLTED BACK DOWN THE STAIRS TO THE FLOOR, WHERE I COULD PERHAPS FIND MYSELF IN AN EVEN PLAYING GROUND.

AFTER ABOUT HALFWAY JACK SLOWED DOWN HIS PACE BY ABOUT TENFOLD, AND CASUALLY WALKED DOWN THE STAIRS. I COULDN'T TELL IF HE DID THIS FOR THE DRAMATIC EFFECT OR IF HE DID IT BECAUSE HE WAS QUITE A BIT OLDER THAN MOST MEN. EITHER WAY, HE SLOWED DOWN, AND IN AN EFFORT TO KEEP THINGS ALL HEATED UP, HE BEGAN TO PRODUCE A SPEECH.

"YOU LOOK LIKE A LOGICAL MAN, DETECTIVE. BEFORE WE GET INTO THIS, I JUST WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WOULD DO? WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR MOTHER WAS IN DIRE PAIN, EVERY DAY. SHE COULDN'T MOVE, SHE COULDN'T EVEN GO TO THE BATHROOM BY HERSELF. WHAT CHOICE WOULD YOU MAKE, DETECTIVE?"

I... I COULDN'T RESPOND. I FELT A CHILL RISE UP MY SPINE. KEVORKIAN USED MY OWN TACTICS AGAINST ME. BY VEHEMENTLY INSULTING MY MOTHER IN THAT MANNER, HE NOT ONLY HIT ME HARD EMOTIONALLY, BUT, HE BROUGHT BACK MY ONLY TRUE CONNECTION WITH THOMPSON, WHO LAY ON THE FLOOR ALL BROWN AND STINKY BEHIND ME. I WATCHED JACK WALK DOWN THOSE STAIRS TO ME, WITH HIS ALMOST EXPRESSIONLESS FACE. HE WAS VISIBLY WAITING SOME SORT OF RESPONSE. I GLARED HIM STRAIGHT IN HIS DEATH-EYES, AND MUTTERED,

"THE ONLY CHOICE I HAVE LEFT, DR. KEVORKIAN. TO DEFEAT YOU IN COMBAT, AND GAIN THE SECRETS TO DESTROYING THE THANATRON II!!!!"

HE LOOKED AT ME DIFFERENTLY NOW. LIKE I WAS SOME SORT OF IDIOT, OR DOUCHEBAG OR SOMETHING. THIS ENRAGED ME, AND THE SECOND HE LANDED ON THE GROUND LEVEL, I RUSHED HIM FLAILING MY ARMS IN A DISTRACTING AND POWERFUL MANNER. HE DUCKED AWAY QUICKLY AND I SMASHED MY FIST OFF OF ONE OF THE RAILINGS FOR THE STAIRS. IT SORTA HURT, BUT, I TURNED AROUND QUICKLY, AND MADE A THREATENING POSE.

"REVEAL TO ME THE SECRETS OF THE THANATRON II!!!" I SHOUTED! HE IGNORED ME, AND STARTED TO DASH TO THE LEFT. THIS WAS NO GOOD FOR HIM, BECAUSE I WAS QUICK AT RUNNING TO THE LEFT. I STARTED UP MY OFFENSIVE ARM FLAIL AGAIN, AND QUICKLY BURST AWAY TO THE LEFT. KEVORKIAN HAD NOTHING ON MY SPEED AND AGILITY, AND I QUICKLY KNOCKED HIM ASIDE WITH MY ARM. HE FELL TO THE GROUND, BUT DID A STRANGE ROLL AND GOT UP AGAIN QUICKLY. I TURNED TO HIM AGAIN AND SWUNG MY FIST INTO THE AIR.

"WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THE THANATRON II!!!!!!!"

HE DID NOT RESPOND. THIS WAS THE ULTIMATE INSULT. HE WAS TRYING TO OUTSMART ME BY NOT SAYING ANYTHING, AND MAKING ME THINK THAT HE WASN'T AFRAID. WELL, IT DIDN'T WORK. THIS TIME, I STARTED TO SWING MY FISTS AROUND WILDLY IN A MOTION NEVER BEFORE SEEN BY KEVORKIAN. THE THREAT WAS SO GREAT THAT HE QUICKLY FOLDED UNDER THE PRESSURE.

"WAIT!" WAS ALL I HEARD, AS I GEARED UP MY OFFENSIVE. I QUICKLY RAN TOWARDS HIM SWINGING MY FISTS AND SCREAMING SOME SORT OF PSYCHO-BABBLE, WHICH I THOUGHT WOULD MAKE ME SEEM MORE THREATENING. IT MUST'VE WORKED, BECAUSE HE STARTED TO SPILL THE GOD DAMN BEANS!!

"THE ULTIMATE PURPOSE AND GOAL OF THE THANATRON II IS OBVIOUSLY FIRST EUTHANASIA. MY TRUE DESIGN..."

AT THIS POINT I COULD NOT LISTEN ANYMORE. DR. DEATH HAD COME UP WITH AN INCREDIBLE PLAN. HE WAS GOING TO KILL ALL OF THE YOUTH IN ASIA. IT MADE SENSE. COUNTRIES LIKE INDIA, CHINA, RUSSIA, THEY ALL HAVE SO MANY PEOPLE LIVING IN THEM. KEVORKIAN WAS GOING TO USE THE THANATRON II TO SPARK UP THE THIRD WORLD WAR, BY KILLING ALL OF THE YOUTH IN ASIA. THAT'S WHY THE BEAM WAS COMPOSED OF LIQUID AND LIGHT. THOSE WERE THE TWO STRONGEST OPPONENTS OF PEOPLE IN ASIA ANYWAYS! I REALIZED WHAT HAD TO BE DONE. KEVORKIAN WAS STILL GOING ON ABOUT HIS SPEECH, BUT, I COULDN'T LET THIS CONTINUE. WHAT ABOUT ALL THE GREAT YOUNG ASIANS THAT WE WILL BE MISSING OUT ON. WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE SAME CHILDREN WHO WILL ONE DAY GROW UP TO BE JACKIE CHAN? I STOPPED, AND QUICKLY INTERUPTED WHATEVER JACK WAS GOING ON ABOUT.

"THAT'S IT! I'VE GOT IT! JACKIE CHAN!!!!"

KEVORKAIN LOOKED CONFUSED, BUT, I KNEW WHAT I HAD TO DO. QUICKLY I RAN UP BEHIND JACK AND GAVE HIM A NINJA KICK TO THE HEAD. UNFOURTUNATELY, I'M NOT AS SUPREME-ASIAN AGILE AS THE J-CHAN, AND I ONLY ENDED UP KICKING KEVORKIAN REALLY HARD IN THE SPINE. HE FELL TO THE GROUND IN AGONY, EITHER WAY, AND I KNEW I HAD WON. HE LOOKED UP TO ME, WITH A LOOK IN HIS FACE THAT WAS NOTHING BUT UNDENIABLE PAIN.

"PLEASE!" HE SCREECHED. "DETECTIVE, YOU JUST BROKE MY BACK. I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO WALK AGAIN, OR EVEN SIT UP. I JUST ESCAPED FROM JAIL, AND NEVER AGAIN WILL I BE ABLE TO HAVE SEX WITH MY SECRETARY, OR CHEAT ON MY WIFE WITH OTHER VARIOUS WOMEN! YOU HAVE TAKEN AWAY ALL THE BEST PARTS OF LIFE, FOR ME. PLEASE, DETECTIVE.... PLEASE, PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY."

HE WANTED ME TO KILL HIM. I THOUGHT ABOUT IT VERY SERIOUSLY. I MEAN, I HAD JUST BROKEN HIS BACK, AND HE WAS RIGHT, CHEATING ON YOUR WIFE WITH VARIOUS WOMEN WAS PROBABLY MY FAVORITE PASTIME AS WELL. PERHAPS THE DOCTOR AND I WERE NOT TOO DIFFERENT, AFTER ALL. I FIGURED THAT I SHOULD DO JACK ONE FAVOUR, CONSIDERING WE WERE SUCH SIMILAR CATS. I DREW MY WEAPON, WHICH I HAD LEFT HOLSTERED UP UNTIL THIS POINT (ONLY TO SHOW HOW GREAT OF A HANDS-ON DETECTIVE I AM), AND SHOT JACK RIGHT IN THE HEAD. AS HE SAW ME DRAW THE WEAPON HE SMILED, AND SAID SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF ME FINALLY UNDERSTANDING. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS SHITTING ABOUT, BUT, I'M SURE IT HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH MY UNDERSTANDING OF HOW GREAT BEING UNFAITHFUL IS. AND LET ME TELL YOU, HE WAS RIGHT. I DID UNDERSTAND. TO THIS DAY, I STILL CHEAT ON MY WIFE WITH OTHER WOMEN WHO CANNOT RESIST A BADGE. AND LET ME TELL YOU, NO ONE CAN RESIST A BADGE. IT'S AGAINST THE LAW.

AS I WAS HEADING OUT OF THE WAREHOUSE, I THOUGHT ABOUT ALL THE THINGS THAT HAD HAPPENED THIS DAY. THOMPSON WAS DEAD, AND SO WAS KEVORKIAN... BUT, AT LEAST ALL OF THE YOUTH IN ASIA LIVED TO SEE ANOTHER DAY. ALSO, I THINK THOMPSONS DEATH MIGHT AWAKEN A SLEEPING DRAGON WITHIN ME. EITHER WAY, I'M GOING TO TRY TO BANG HIS MOM TO RELIEVE THE GREIF. I MEAN, SHE IS A TOTAL BABE.

crapjournal

BE SURE TO VOTE FOR THE WINNER BOTH OF THESE AMAZING COMPETITORS HAVE GIVEN THEIR ALL FOR THE ERECTUS DOME WHICH MEANS THEY ARE OFFICIALLY OFF THE BUTTHOLE LIST, WAY TO GO GUYS!!!!

WHERES THE MAYONAISE!!! OK PASS IT BACK OVER NOW!!!!!!!!

2007-05-28T11:43:59Z

ERECTUS RUMORS!!!:THE RUMOR WHAT EVERYONE IS SAYING IS THAT THE PRODUCERS OF THE NEW FILM 'KNOCKED UP' PUT OUT A CASTING CALL FOR A 'RYAN CHESSMAN TYPE' WHILE NEVER CONSIDERING RYAN CHESSMAN HIMSELF!!! WE EXPECT TO HEAR FROM RYAN CHESSMAN IN THE COMMENTS WHEN HE WILL SHOW UP AND SAY "OH I DIDN'T GET THE JOB BECAUSE I WAS WORKING AT COMEDY LAND" OR WHAT EVER STUPID EXCUSE HE WILL TRY TO MAKE UP FOR WHY HE KEEPS GETTING TURNED DOWN FOR THE ROLE OF RYAN CHESSMAN!!!
THE OPINION OF THIS COLUMNIST?!!! BASICALLY JESUS IS SAYING THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SMOKE A WEED YOU BUTTHIPPIE!!!!!!!

I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO REMIND YOU THAT WE ARE STILL HAVING THE ERECTUS T. MACMILLAN - SPACE DETECTIVE CONTEST HERE!!! IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO ENTER SO GET TO WRITING AWAY!!!!

IF YOU GET THAT FEELING THEN RUN IT ON THROUGH!!!!!!

2007-05-27T18:32:33Z

1200 HOURS SPACE TIME!!!
ALRIGHT I'LL BE RIGHT OVER!!!

BASICALLY IN THE YEAR 2007 DR. JACK KEVORKIAN ESCAPED
FROM THE SUPER PRISON ON WARBULON-VII!!!
THE KEVORKIAN ORGANIZATION IS NOW HARD
AT WORK ON THE ULTIMATE DEATH MACHINE:
THANATRON II!!!

RETURN OF KEVORKIAN!!!
FROM THE FILES OF:
ERECTUS T. MACMILLAN - SPACE DETECTIVE

HUFF          HUFF          HUFF          HUFF          HUFF
            HUFF            HUFF            HUFF            HUFF          HUFF
HUFF          HUFF          HUFF          HUFF          HUFF
          HUFF          HUFF          HUFF          HUFF          HUFF
              I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT!!!

"KEEP MOVING, THOMPSON!!!" ANY DAY I WAS HARD ON THOMPSON, BUT TODAY
I WAS PARTICULARLY HARD ON HIM!!! AS WE ENTERED THIS ABANDONED
FACTORY I COULD SEE JACK KEVORKIAN'S COLD EYES WATCHING, WAITING!!!

STALKING THROUGH THE DARK FACTORY I COULD FEEL HIM AROUND EVERY
CORNER!!! UP EVERY FLIGHT OF STAIRS!!! I GREW MORE IMPATIENT WITH THE
DARKNESS, AND THE GAMES!!! "JACK!!!" I CALLED OUT!!! "JACK!!" I YELLED ONCE
MORE!!!

"JACK!!!"

THE FACTORY BECAME AWASH IN LIGHT!!! THOMPSON AND I STOOD IN THE MIDDLE OF A LARGE STAIRWAY LEADING TO THE TOP FLOOR OF THE FACTORY!!! LOOMING IN FULL GRANDEUR, RISING FROM THE FACTORY GROUNDS TO THE CEILING WAS THANATRON II!!! SUPPORTED BY MACHINERY OF SOLID CHROME THE MASS OF IT WAS FILLED WITH A LUSH GREEN SUBSTANCE ENCASED IN A THICK GLASS SHELL!!!

SHIT!!!

A BEAM, COMPRISED SEEMINGLY OF BOTH
LIQUID AND LIGHT, FIRED ON US, STRIKING
THOMPSON DIRECTLY!!! HIS DRIED BRITTLE
CORPSE FALLING OVER THE SIDE RAILING!!!

CHALLENGE!!!:
NOW IS YOUR CHANCE TO EXPERIENCE
ALL THE ACTION OF
ERECTUS T. MACMILLAN - SPACE DETECTIVE!!!
FROM 5/27/07
THROUGH 6/02/07
YOU
DECIDE WHAT YOU
WOULD LIKE TO SEE
HAPPEN NEXT!!!

JUST WRITE IN YOUR ENTRIES IN THE COMMENTS OF THIS ENTRY!!!
THE BEST WILL BE PERSONALLY SELECTED BY ME AND THEN
I WILL GIVE YOU A SPECIAL CLUB CARD AND POST
YOUR ENTRY RIGHT HERE!!!!!

NOW YOU'RE IN CONTROL
OF THE ERECTUS DOME!!!

WELL BILLY WE CAN TRY BUT I AIN'T GETTIN ANY YOUNGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-05-14T10:10:34Z

I GOT IN TROUBLE BECAUSE I MADE A CAKE BUT THEN I DIDN'T READ THE STUPID INSTRUCTIONS BECAUSE I AM MAD MY MOM IS ALWAYS GIVING ME INSTRUCTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!! I DO WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT AND NO BOX IS GOING TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!!!!

HELP ME TO RAISE MONEY BECAUSE I NEED IT TO BUY MAPLE STORY FOR THE DS AND MY MOM SAYS I CAN'T BUY IT JUST BECAUSE I WAS CURSING AT THE STUPID FOREIGN KIDS INSIDE THE GAME!!!!!! HOW WILL IT FEEL WHEN I AM SLASHING AND STABBING YOU LITTLE MONSTERS IN A CONVENIENT ON THE GO FORM?!!!! IT WON'T FEEL TOO NICE BUTT LICKERS!!!! ^___________________________________^!!!!!!

EVERYDAY I WAKE UP AND I ASK MYSELF WHY!!! WHY WILL BUTTHOLES NOT DIE!!!!!!!!

2007-03-21T10:17:24Z

A WORLD WITHOUT BUTTHOLES!!!
WE LIVE IN A WORLD WITH GOALS!!!
WE LIVE IN A WORLD WITH MOLES!!!
WE LIVE IN A WORLD WITH MANUTE BOLS!!!
BUT WHY DO WE LIVE IN A WORLD WITH BUTTHOLES?!!

I SEARCHED DOWN BY THE MALLS!!!
WHERE BUTTHOLES PEE ON TOILET STALLS!!!
I SEARCHED UP AND DOWN THE HALLS!!!
AND GOT NO ANSWERS FROM BUTTHOLE MARKINGS ON THE WALLS!!!

MAYBE IT IS TIME I DO A SEARCH WHERE FANCIES FREE!!!
MAYBE IT IS TIME I DO A SEARCH WHERE PEOPLE KNOW HOW TO PEE!!!
MAYBE THIS SEARCH HAS BEGUN TO TAKE TOLLS!!!
BECAUSE I STILL DON'T KNOW WHY I LIVE IN A WORLD WITH BUTTHOLES!!!

THEY THROW AT ME ROCKS!!!
THEY MAKE FUN OF MY SOCKS!!!
EVERY THING I SAY THEY MOCK!!!
I HOPE THEY CHOKE ON A HAM HOCK!!!

WE LIVE IN A WORLD WITH KOHL'S!!!!
WE LIVE IN A WORLD WITH FOALS!!!
WE LIVE IN A WORLD OF BEYONCE KNOWLES!!!
I JUST WANT A WORLD WITHOUT BUTTHOLES!!!

THIS IS MY POEM WHICH I WROTE AND WHICH WOULD HAVE WON FIRST PLACE BUT THEN STUPID BEATRICE MESTERPOOL HAD TO WRITE A DUMB POEM ABOUT BUTTERFLIES OR SOME KIND OF CRAP!!!! I THINK IT IS DUMB THE JUDGE PANEL WILL ONLY ACCEPT KITSCH OVER REAL ART WHAT I LABORED ON FOR PROBABLY YEARS JUST TO MAKE!!!! THIS IS WHY I AM NOT THE NEW BEETHOVEN BECAUSE THEY RUINED IT SO BLAME THEM FOR THE REASON I DIDN'T INVENT THE MOONLIGHT SONATA YET!!!!!!!

SINCERELY,
ERECTUS PLAIN AND TALL!!!
THE NEW POET LAUREATE OF AMERICA!!!!

TOUCHING FAMILIES!!! TOUCHING LIVES!!!! DON'T TOUCH ME CREEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-02-18T23:59:30Z

DEAR LIVEJOURNALERS!!!

I SIGNED UP FOR HANDICAP PARKING AND BASICALLY I SAID THAT I AM AUTISTIC NOW EVERYONE IS ANGRY AND CALLING ME A FRAUD JUST BECAUSE I SAID ONE STUPID THING!!!

I WANT TO KNOW WILL EVERYONE GET OFF OF MY CASE IF I JUST SAY I HAVE AN ACCENT WHICH IS WHY I SPELLED ARTISTIC AS AUTISTIC?!!! WILL THEY KISS MY BUTT IF I SAY FOR THEM TO GO TO HELL?!!!!!

ERECTUS NEWS SERVICE UPDATE: IF YOU COULD PLEASE GET ON THE DANCE FLOOR AND MOVE YOUR BUTT!!!!!!!!!!

2006-12-14T06:49:15Z

RECENTLY ON MY SO CALLED "FRIENDS" PAGE THIS WAS POSTED!!!!

I AM SICK OF EVERYONE WHO WILL JUST TRY TO USE MY FRIENDS PAGE TO LAUNCH A SECRET JOKE AT ME!!!! SO WHAT, THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND, IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT ME TO SAY?!!! WELL I AM SAYING IT BECAUSE IT IS THE TRUTH AND I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!

I WANT TO ADDRESS ALL THE STUPID COMMENTS I WILL RECEIVE BY THIS BECAUSE EVERYBODY WHAT READS THE INTERNET IS STUPID!!!!

"OH HAHAHAHAAAA EREC YOU HAVE A CYBER GIRLFRIEND YOU CAN'T BE A REAL MAN AND GET A GIRL AT THE FALL FARMER'S FESTIVAL LIKE A REAL MAN!!! A HAHAHAHAHA"

THAT ISN'T EVEN TRUE YOU CAN'T JUST MAKE A STUPID ASSUMPTION FOR NO DUMB REASON, THIS IS WHY THERE IS WAR!!! DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THAT?!!! NO BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST A WAR MONGER AND I WILL MAKE WAR ON YOUR SPLEEN WITH MY KNIFE IF YOU KEEP MAKING FUN OF ME!!!!

"OH HAHAHAHAAAA EREC I SAW YOU IN THE CHIPOTLE WITH YOUR LAPTOP!!! WERE YOU IN A DATE?!!!"

THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING I HEAR FROM EVERYONE IN MY TOWN BECAUSE EVERYONE IN MY TOWN IS A STUPID YOKEL WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND THE TECHNOLOGY FROM THE FUTURE!!! YES THIS IS A DATE BUT IT EVEN SAYS IN THE WASHINGTON POST STYLE SECTION THAT THIS IS THE DATING OF THE FUTURE HOW IT WILL BE DOWN, SO IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WELL THEN I GUESS YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH BOB WOODWARD!!! AND THEN THAT MEANS YOU SUPPORT WATERGATE!!! SO THAT MEANS YOU WILL GO TO JAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"OH HAHAHAHAAAA EREC HOW WILL YOU EVEN HAVE CHILDREN WITH YOUR DIGI-GIRLFRIEND?!!!!!"

WE CAN'T GET MARRIED BECAUSE WE ARE IN TWO SEPARATE FAITHS!!!! THIS IS ABOUT MATURE SEXUAL EXPLORATION BETWEEN TWO CONSENTING ADULTS!!!! IT IS TOO BAD ALL THE PEOPLE WHAT READ MY JOURNAL ARE TOO STUPID AND IMMATURE TO UNDERSTAND THIS POINT!!!!

"OH HAHAHAHAAAA EREC YOU ARE A VIRGIN AND YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE SEX WITH YOUR STUPID CYBER GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!"

SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS WHY I AM WRITING A POEM ABOUT THIS TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS AND MY FRUSTRATION, SO 1 2 3 AND TO THE FO' EREC DOGGITY DOGG IS ON THE FLO'!!!!

DARK CLOUDS!!!
A CIRCLING OVER TOP OF MY HEAD!!!
I AM THE HARBINGER OF DOOM!!!!
WHEN I WILL GET ANGRY AT EVERYONE!!!!
THEY WILL ALL FALL BEFORE THE!!!
MYSTICAL BLACK GOBLET!!!!
COME TO THE LAKE!!!!
FEEL THE WRATH OF MINE!!!
I AM THE MONSTER OF YOUR WHOLE LIFE!!!
THE ONE WHO MAKES YOU HATE YOUR LIFE!!!!
THE ONE WHO WILL HIT YOU WITH A KNIFE!!!!
SO LEAVE ME ALONE WITH MY LOVE!!!!!
SHE IS THE DARK LORDESS KARI!!!!
RULER OF TAMBAGOTESIA!!!!
TOGETHER WE ARE THE YIN!!!
AND TOGETHER WE ARE THE YANG!!!!
SO SHUT UP ABOUT IT ALREADY!!!!

DID YOU SEE LYLE?!!! YEA HE STILL HAS THAT FACE!!!!

2006-12-02T10:29:53Z

I WANT TO KNOW WHY HOW COME IT IS THAT WHEN I GO TO THE FASHION BARN THEY ALWAYS NEVER GREET ME WHEN I ENTER!!!!!!! I ALWAYS GO THERE AND I ENTER THERE AND THEY DON'T SAY NOTHING!!!!!! I WANT TO KNOW WHY THAT IS!!!!!!!

YOU KNOW WHY I THINK IT IS?!!!!! BECAUSE REMEMBER THE ONE TIME I WENT TO SULLY'S STEAK HOUSE AND THEN I MADE A SCENE, WELL IT TURNS OUT THAT SULLY'S STUPID SON OWNS FASHION BARN!!!!!!!! I JUST WANT TO BUY A WHITE BELT SO THAT I CAN FIT IN DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!

SUPERFLY ESSOROCKER!!!

2006-11-09T05:36:06Z

I FEEL THAT NOW BECAUSE I AM A SUCCESS ON LIVEJOURNAL IT IS MY DUTY TO HELP BREAK NEW TALENTS INTO THE MAINSTREAM OF LIVEJOURNAL!!! TONIGHT I WANT TO INTRODUCE YOU TO A GUY WHO'S BEEN TEARING UP AIM AND NOW HE'S COMING TO LJ!!! HIS NAME IS STEWART WALTHEIM AND I WANT YOU TO GET A SAMPLING OF HIS TALENT RIGHT HERE!!!!

Dick Turpin Jr: heard you been talkin smack on me man
phoozum: who is this?
Dick Turpin Jr: this is JT
Dick Turpin Jr: I got an ear ring
phoozum: I don't know anyone named JT...
Dick Turpin Jr: WHATS YOUR PROBLEM MAN
phoozum: and I know a lot of people wiht ear rings...
Dick Turpin Jr: YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT ME BEHIND MY BACK BUT YOU DON'T WANNA SAY IT WHEN I'M IN YOUR FACE
Dick Turpin Jr: BECAUSE I'M A LEAN MEAN KILLING MACHINE
phoozum: ...
Dick Turpin Jr: thats what I thought punk
Dick Turpin Jr: I see you at the rec center
Dick Turpin Jr: you're dead meat
Dick Turpin Jr: GOT ME BUSTER
phoozum: what??
Dick Turpin Jr: DEAD
phoozum: uh who do you think I am
Dick Turpin Jr: ohhh
Dick Turpin Jr: those are big words CHUMP
phoozum: haha wow... whoever you are I'm not amused by your prank
Dick Turpin Jr: I'M NOT AMUSED WHEN I'M DRY HUMPING MY GIRLFRIEND AND YOUR CIRCLING THE BASEBALL FIELD CALLING ME A FAG
phoozum: wtf? first off I'd never do something like that considering I'm a lesbian, second I still have no idea who you are
Dick Turpin Jr: oh i'm sorry
Dick Turpin Jr: is this Les?
phoozum: Les?
phoozum: like a guy named Les?
Dick Turpin Jr: Lester MacNamera?
phoozum: no... my name is Phoebe
Dick Turpin Jr: oh crap
phoozum: where did you get my screen name
Dick Turpin Jr: I'm so sorry
Dick Turpin Jr: wrong number
phoozum: don't worry about it... I hope stuff gets sorted out peacefully--but where did you get my screen name?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dick Turpin Jr: well look who it is
flyinpenguinsroc: whos this
Dick Turpin Jr: its Terrance
Dick Turpin Jr: and you're history
Dick Turpin Jr: didn't think I'd find ya huh punk?
flyinpenguinsroc: ok
Dick Turpin Jr: I'm in my house watchin the fireworks
Dick Turpin Jr: you drive on my lawn and throw beers at my window
Dick Turpin Jr: I'D HAVE KICKED YOUR ASS CEPT I WAS GROUNDED
Dick Turpin Jr: YOU GOT A LOT OF NERVE PAL
flyinpenguinsroc: rofl
flyinpenguinsroc: wtf
Dick Turpin Jr: AIN'T GONNA BE SO FUNNY WHEN THE SUPERFLY ESSOROCKER IS STOMPIN YOUR ASS MAN
flyinpenguinsroc: huh
Dick Turpin Jr: what are you talking about HUH?
flyinpenguinsroc: i like your sn
flyinpenguinsroc: its classy
Dick Turpin Jr: really you're down with the gentleman highwayman?
Dick Turpin Jr: hey thats awesome
flyinpenguinsroc: lol
Dick Turpin Jr: LISTEN I GOTTA GO BUT IT WAS GOOD TALKING TO YOU, THAT WAS HILARIOUS WHEN YOU GUYS THREW BEER AT MY HOUSE YOU GUYS GOT MY GRANDMA RIGHT IN HER HEAD

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dick Turpin Jr: hey is your refridgerator running?
MySaviourLove: who is this?
Dick Turpin Jr: Toby
MySaviourLove: do I know you?
Dick Turpin Jr: Yeah we went to senior prom
Dick Turpin Jr: 1978
Dick Turpin Jr: my HOW TIME HAS PASSED
Dick Turpin Jr: YOU NEVER EVEN CALLED ME
MySaviourLove: who the heck is this?
Dick Turpin Jr: NO THE QUESTION IS WHO THE HECK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE
Dick Turpin Jr: MY MOM HAD TO DRIVE ME HOME
Dick Turpin Jr: I WAS THE LAUGHING STOCK OF BEAVERTON HIGH SCHOOL I CAN'T EVEN GO BACK FOR MY REUNON
MySaviourLove: sorry, your underarms smelled badly
Dick Turpin Jr: Really?
MySaviourLove: yes
Dick Turpin Jr: oh sorry about that
Dick Turpin Jr: thanks for clearing that up though
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WHAT A TALENT FOLKS!!!!

YOU WANTED THE BEST YOU GOT THE BEST!!! IT'S TIME TO ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-06T01:22:41Z

HEART BREAKER SOUL SHAKER!!!
I BEEN TOLD ABOUT YOU!!!
STEAMROLLER MIDNIGHT STROLLER!!
WHAT THEY BEEN SAYIN' MUST BE TRUE!!!

RED HOT MOMMA!!!
VELVET CHARMER!!!
TIME'S COME TO PAY YOUR DUES!!!!

NOW YOU'RE MESSIN' WITH A!!!
A SON OF A BITCH!!!
NOW YOU'RE MESSIN' WITH A SON OF A BITCH!!!
NOW YOU'RE MESSIN' WITH A!!!
A SON OF A BITCH!!!
NOW YOU'RE MESSIN' WITH A SON OF A BITCH!!!!

SEATTLE, WE LOVE YOU!!!!!

LETS GET DOWN TO THE CITY DUMP WE CAN DROP HIM OFF THERE!!!!!!!!!

2006-10-26T14:12:23Z

0400 HOURS SPACE TIME!!!
BUM ME A SMOKE!!!

CASSIOPEIA CROSSING!!!

FROM THE FILES OF:
ERECTUS T. MACMILLAN - SPACE DETECTIVE

    BLOOD, IN THIS BUSINESS IT SERVES AS THE CRIMSON DEW OF YET ANOTHER MIDNIGHT MORNING!!! THE VIEW WAS PARTICULARLY GRUESOME AND EVEN FOR SOMEONE SO JADED AS MYSELF IT CHIPPED AT THE NERVES!!! "THANKS FOR THE CIG', HENDERSON!!!" I SAID WHILE SURVEYING THE SCENE!!! "YEAH, I'M TRYIN' TO QUIT BUT I GOT OTHER THINGS ON MY MIND!!!" HENDERSON JUST LET OUT A SLIGHT SIGH THROUGH THE NOSE AND PROCEEDED TO EXPLAIN WHAT HE FIGURED HAD HAPPENED!!! I WAS UNIMPRESSED AND BEGAN TO TAKE A LONG HARD LOOK AT THE DETAILS FOR MYSELF!!!

    I WAS ACQUAINTED WITH THE CORPSE!!! HELEN HENNY WAS A HEN FROM BROADWAY WHO HAD JOINED THE CHUCK E. CHEESE BAND AT THE HEIGHT OF IT'S POPULARITY!!! WITH LOOKS THAT COULD KILL SHE BECAME A HEADLINER, SECOND IN SOME FANS EYES ONLY TO CHUCK HIMSELF!!! HOW HER LIFE CAME TO END IN THIS WAREHOUSE IN THE BUSIEST SPACE PORT IN THE GALAXY WITH NO WITNESSES WAS THE MYSTERY AT HAND!!! I QUESTIONED MANY PEOPLE ALL THROUGHOUT THE TOWN AND THEY ALL SAID THE SAME THING!!! SHE GOT MIXED WITH A BAD CROWD OF CYBORGS AND APPARENTLY MUST HAVE RUN AFOUL OF ONE!!!

    I RETURNED WITH HENDERSON TO THE SCENE OF THE CRIME AND PONDERED THE MATTER SOME MORE!!! MOMENTARILY I BROKE MY SILENCE "THE COPPER STENCH OF BLOOD, DISTURBING ISN'T IT?!!!" HENDERSON NODDED AND I STARED INTO MY FIST TRYING TO DISCOVER WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED HERE!!! A COLD DROP OF BLOOD FROM THE CEILING SPLASHED MY FACE AND I WAS RETURNED TO THE PRESENT WITH STARTLING CLARITY OF THE SITUATION!!! I EYED HENDERSON WAITING FOR HIS GAZE TO MEET MINE!!! "THAT WAS AGREEMENT, BUT THAT WASN'T RECOGNITION!!!" HENDERSON'S HAND SWEPT TOWARDS HIS HIP BUT I HAD ALREADY SHOT A LASER BEAM THROUGH HIS HOLLOW METALLIC HEART!!!

ANOTHER CASE SOLVED!!!
2100 HOURS SPACE TIME!!!

ALRIGHT THIS TIME PUT HIM IN THE BACK OF THE WAGON!!! WATCH OUT FOR HIS KNEES!!!!

2006-10-17T21:47:48Z

TODAY I MADE A IMPORTANT DECISION I DON'T WANT TO GROW UP I WANT TO BE A TOYS 'R' US KID SO THEREFOR I AM NOT GOING TO GROW UP!!!!!!! IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT WELL YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S MY LIFE AND MY RULES BABY, SO THEREFOR I WON'T GROW UP AND YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT IS MY OWN DECISION IF I GROW UP OR NOT AND GUESS WHAT I'M SICK OF BEING MATURE!!!!!!!!! IF THE PEOPLE AT TOYS 'R' US DON'T LIKE IT AND KEEP TRYING TO KICK ME OUT WHENEVER I GO THERE TO PLAY WITH THE TOYS WELL YOU KNOW WHAT THEY CAN STICK THEIR HEAD UP THEIR BUTTS AND GET A GOOD WIFF OF THEIR HEAD IN THEIR BUTT BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING TO DO WHAT NO ONE TELLS ME BECAUSE I'M A TOYS 'R' US KID!!!!!!!

WHERE ARE WE GOIN!!!! TO THE LAND OF THE MUNCHKINS OH YAHH!!!!

2006-10-05T21:26:54Z

OFFICIAL LIST OF PEOPLE WHAT I WANT TO BEAT UP!!!
ADEELS!!!

FOR THE LAST WHOLE WEEK THE ONLY THING WHAT I EVER HEARD WAS ABOUT HOW ADEELS IS NUMBER ONE IN ANDERSON "ONLY ABSOLUTELY" BABYN'S BLOG!!!!! ADEELS AS YOU KNOW IS THE MAN WHAT SELLS THE "BIGGEST NISSANS IN THE STATE" OFF OF I-95 BY THE PIGGLY WIGGLY'S!!!! "COME ON DOWN BECAUSE I GOT A DEALS FOR YOU!!!" IS WHAT HE WILL ALWAYS SAY IN HIS STUPID COMMERCIAL BUT GUESS WHAT BABY CAUSE I GOT A DEAL FOR YOU IT'S CALLED BUY ONE KNUCKLE SANDWICH AND THEN I WILL GIVE YOU A SECOND ONE FOR FREE!!!! SO IF YOU GOT A PROBLEM WHY DON'T YOU COME UP AND SEE ME SOMETIME BIG BOY BECAUSE I WILL BEAT YOU ALL THE WAY UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARTIST RENDITION OF AFTER I BEAT UP STUPID ADEELS AND MAKE HIM CRY FOR THE TIME HE TRIED TO CRASH MY PARTY AT CHUCK E. CHEESE!!!!
IF YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO ME MAYBE YOU COULD HAVE SOME PEPERONI PIZZA?!!! WELL TOO BAD BECAUSE NOW YOU HAVE KNUCKLE PIZZA!!!!

ADEELS IF YOU ARE READING THIS YOU BETTER GET KICKIN' LIKE THE THREE NINJA'S LADYFACE BECAUSE I'M PREPARED TO TAKE YOU, BREAK YOU, AND MOLD YOU INTO A MAN!!!!!!!!!!!

TODAY'S ENTRY BROUGHT TO YOU BY EXENOLINE!!!!!!

2006-10-03T15:20:24Z

I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN JOHBRO10!!!!!! WHY ONLY ME?!!! I HATE THIS SHIT?!!!! EVERYBODY JAM YOUR HEAD UP YOUR BUTT!!!!!

WHAT IS THAT?!!!! IS THAT A DEAD, ERR?!!!! HEY DUDE PUT THAT UP!!! BEFORE MY MOM SEES!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-09-24T22:41:23Z

A LONG TIME AGO I WAS IN A STUPID FORUM WHAT WAS CALLED "HAM-LOVERS FORUM" BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS A ANTI-TERRORIST PLACE BUT IT WAS JUST A PLACE WHERE EVERYBODY IS JUST MAD THAT THERE IS NO HAM BASED TV-SHOWS ON LIFETIME!!!!! (YOU COULD MAKE A CASE THAT DESIGNING WOMEN IS PACKED FULL OF HAM, BUT THAT IS MEAN XD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) ANYWAY I TRIED TO STICK AROUND IN THIS COMMUNITY AND TALK TO THEM BECAUSE I GOT KICKED OUT OF ALL THE OTHER FORUMS SO THIS WAS THE ONLY PLACE WHAT I COULD POST TO, BUT I DIDN'T LIKE THEM BECAUSE EVERYBODY WAS ANGRY THAT I DIDN'T REALLY CARE ABOUT HAM-BASED TV SHOWS!!!!!!!!!!

SO ANYWAY THIS WOMAN NAMED PROUDHAMGRRL78 WHAT WAS MY MODERATOR IN THE HAM-LOVERS FORUM KEEPS TRYING TO GET INVITED INTO WHATEVER CHAT I AM IN IN AOL INSTANT MESSENGER SO THAT SHE CAN MODERATE ME!!!!!!! I HAVE TO LET HER IN BECAUSE SHE WILL TELL MY MOM THAT I CURSE ON THE INTERNET!!!! EVERYTIME WHEN I WILL TALK ABOUT SOMETHING SHE KEEPS SAYING THAT I AM BREAKING THE RULES AND THAT SHE WILL KICK ME OUT!!!!!! IT SUCKS BECAUSE ALL MY CHAT BUDDIES LIKE NORDICSTUD666 AND HAIRYBEAR1967 LIKE HER BETTER THAN ME ANYWAY SO THEY SAY THAT THEY WON'T TALK TO ME IF I DON'T FOLLOW HER RULES!!!!!!!!

I'M JUST GOING TO MINDFREE OR FREEBASE OR WHATEVER ITS CALLED THE REST OF THIS BECAUSE THAT IS THE THING TO DO ON LIVEJOURNAL!!!! IT'S LIKE ONE OF THOSE OLD 3D PUZZLES EXCEPT THIS TIME IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I DO I STILL CAN'T SEE WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!!!!!!!!!!!

HAM TOWN!!!!!

HAM HAM HAM HAM HAM!!!!!!! I'M NOT A REAL HAM FAN!!!!!!

PLEASE ON YOUR WAY OUT, TURN OUT THE HAM!!!!!!

BECAUSE THE HAM JUST AIN'T WHERE I HAM!!!!!!!!

BOOOOOODY!!!! (SOUNDS SORT OF LIKE WHAT YOU AND I ARE!!!!)

I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR BEING THERE!!!!

AND FOR PULLING OVER AND ASKING IF I'M ALRIGHT!!!!

WHENEVER I SPLATTER ON THE WINDSHIELD OF LIFE!!!

AND GET WIPED RIGHT OFF, DOWN THE HOOD, PAST THE TIRES, AND INTO THE DRAIN OF LIFE!!!!

WHERE MY LIFE HAS BEEN SINCE I WAS BORN!!!!!

BECAUSE EVERYBODY HATES ME FOR NO REASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BE BOP SCOOBIDY POP POP POP, WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!